Yearnings of the Wind
by One Winged Tifa
Summary: A Quistis fic filled with adventure, new chars, romance, explanations, and a whole bunch of that good stuff^_~ Please R/R, I live for them^_^
1. Preludes of Fate

*~((This fic was known as Not Quite Paradise a week or so ago, but my computer did something  
evil and it won't let me upload my new stuff so I decided to erase and replace it up^_^ Oh,   
and I don't own FF or anything, except maybe Laguna...._ _ ^_^;; Please be a sweetie and  
review^_~))~*  
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Sitting on the sand I waited. Time shifted around me and the sky darkened swiftly as   
only a dream can. He was there, as I knew he would be; as always, sitting atop a   
white horse and wearing a robe of black wool. The lower half of his face is covered so that   
only his eyes can be seen. Those eyes.... The outer lids dip down just slightly, giving   
him a look of sadness, as though he has seen more pain than a person should.   
  
"Who are you?" I whispered. "What do you want of me?"   
  
He gazed at me over the dark scarf, and his eyes seemed full of sorrow.   
  
"I am waiting for you," he whispered.   
  
"How?" I asked, leaning toward him, and my single word told it all. I was not   
hesitating about whether I would go to him or not, but asking only how I could find   
him.   
  
Slowly he reaches out to me, his long, strong fingers servhing for mine...and I lift my hand...   
  
I awoke with a start, and my face was lying in a wet place on the pillow; I had   
been crying in my sleep. For a moment I didn't remember the dream, but then it came   
back to me with all its frustration. Where was I to go? What did he want from me?   
Why where his eyes so filled with sadness?   
  
On impulse I slid out of bed and walked to my dresser. Silently, I reached down and   
pulled open the drawer on the far right. For only a moment did I hesitate before lifting   
the false bottom. Carefully, and almost reverently, I lifted up the piles of pictures and   
magazines, all very ordinary, except for the fact that the lower face of every man in every   
picture, was blackened out, as if veiled.   
  
Tenderly, I ran a slender finger over the one of Squall, marveling at the similarities   
between the two men. Then I smiled slightly, and ruefully shook my head.   
  
"I should have myself comitted," I commented dryly to the wall. Quickly, with a stab of my   
guilty conscious, I placed the pictures back into the drawer, secured the bottom, and shut   
it with a snap.   
  
After giving a quick glance at my bed, I stepped lightly to the window and looked out at   
the beautiful summer night.   
  
For a moment, I didn't know what to do with myself. Sleep didn't seem possible, again,   
so there were hours of freedom before I had to get up.   
  
In spite of myself, I felt the power of the dream, even while awake. If I'd had the   
dream only once or twice, it would have been possible to forget about it, but there had   
never been a week since I was 9 years old that I hadn't had that dream. It was always   
exactly the same, without the tiniest variation.   
  
Peeling my seemingly calm gaze from the stars; I looked down at my fingertips.   
  
"And always", I began to think out loud, whispering, and only half knowing that   
I was speaking at all, " I try to take his hand. More than anything else in the world I   
want to jump on that horse and ride away with him. I want to go wherever he is going, to   
be with him, but I can't. I can't reach his hand. I try to, but there is too much   
distance between us... After awhile he gives me a look that wrings at my heart, he   
withdraws, and rides away...he rides as though he is part of the horse. After a long moment   
he halts, then turns back for just a second, and looks at me as though he hopes I will   
change my mind and go with him. Each time I call out to him not to leave me, but he never   
seems to hear. He looks even more hurt, then turns, and rides away..."   
  
Passing from the open window to the vanity; I rested my elbows on the dusted, wooden   
surface and peered at my reflection detachedly. "...and ever since Squall proposed to   
Rinoa, that dream has been haunting me every night. I'm happy for her, but I don't understand   
what this means. I wish I had someone to talk to...but I can just hear them now: 'Hey, there   
goes the ex-Instructor Trepe. Doesn't she still have a thing for one of her students? Heh,   
she may SEEM impervious, but I hear she has dreams of a strange man every night! Isn't   
that hilarious? Who would have thought, that 'Frostbite-Ice-Princess-Cold-Fish Quistis   
Trepe' was a hopeless romantic? And right when half of Garden was convinced she was a   
lesbian!'   
  
Laughing humorlessly at my own loneliness, I slipped back into bed and stared   
blankly at the ceiling.   
  
"Perhaps, this is the way my life was meant to be....." I said to no one in particular.   
"I helped save the world, I am respected, and have friends. Who on earth needs more than   
that?" Slowly I closed my eyes and curled up; unconsciously hugging my pillow for comfort.   
".....who would want more than that....?"   
  
Moments later, I was fast asleep.   



	2. Waltz of Life

QU-IS-TIIIIIIS! Quistis!   
  
"Oh no", I groaned. "Hyne give me strength, it's nature's most annoying wake up call...."   
  
In a flurry of white and bright yellow silk from her new sundress, Selphie leaped into my   
bed and promptly sunk into the feather mattress. Eyes wide, she grabbed the mahogany   
headboard and pulled herself up. But even when she was sitting, what with being barely   
over five feet tall, she could hardly see over the down comforter, which had to be at least   
three feet thick.   
  
"Have you ever heard of Posturpedic?" Selphie asked with a hint of exasperation. The   
effort of speech made her slide down into the mattress, so she had to right herself, then   
try to regain her dignity.   
  
"An entire species of geese must have given their lives for this   
bed," she mumbled to herself.   
  
I yawned and stretched in a half-hearted attempt to waken, then promptly curled up   
into a ball and buried myself under the covers in feigned sleep.   
  
"Quistis, you gotta get up!" she shouted at the lock of blonde hair still visible. "The little   
SeeD cadets are here, and we are supposed to be showing them around!" Between the two sentences,   
she'd had to use her fist to beat the comforter down, as the thing was rising like bread in a   
hot oven.   
  
I let out an almost inaudible groan and snuggled further down.   
  
Selphie gave the mattress a couple more hard licks with her fist and climbed off the bed.   
Standing with one hand on her hip she looked down at her friend and then raised her   
other hand to study her fingernails.   
  
"You don't by any chance remember who takes care of the cute, little darlings while we   
aren't there..?" Selphie began nonchalantly.   
  
After a few moments of silence she tried again.   
  
"Well let's see, Squall is at a meeting with Cid, Zell is no doubt in line for hotdogs,   
Rinoa is with Matron, learning to control her powers, Xu and Nida are updating the   
engine room, which would leave...." She waited innocently.   
  
I sat up with a jolt. "Oh no, Seifer and Irvine! Those kids will be scarred for life!   
Why didn't you wake me up sooner?"   
  
She merely smiled as Quistis leaped out of that devil bed and ran into her closet, quickly   
slapping on her usual outfit and pinning her hair.   
  
Selphie eyed her up and down. "Shouldn't you wear something special today? I mean,   
seeing the famous Instructor Trepe decked out with a whip, might put fear in the hearts of   
five- year olds."   
  
Quistis glanced down at herself and unhooked her whip. Looking at   
her in obvious impatience as if to say, Is that good enough, Your Highness?, she   
motioned to the door.   
  
You just look so imposing even I'M scared!" Selphie finished in her usual blunt manner.   
  
Rolling my eyes skyward, I slipped out the door in front of Selphie, turned around,   
and winked.   
  
"Didn't you know? That's the whole point," I quipped dryly, making Selphie laugh.   
  
I smiled as I listened to my friend. "Selphie laughs," I thought idly "the clear   
sound of a woman at ease with her laughter. I envy that..."   
  
We started down the sleek hallway and I looked about at the controlled chaos that was   
Balamb Garden. Mildly preoccupied with whatever Selphie was chatting about at the   
moment I took some time to reminisce.   
  
The Garden always had a way of making me feel better. Of course it did, this was my home.   
All of it. "So many memories here," I thought almost sadly and then wondered why....   
  
"...and that's when I heard there was a problem in the cafeteria, so I figured I should get   
you," Selphie concluded in one breath and took a moment to refill her lungs.   
  
I knew almost immediately that I had missed the entire lecture and was sorry for it, since   
if it involved Seifer and/or Irvine it was always best to know what you were up against beforehand.   
Before I could ask Selphie to repeat, a breathless Rinoa, flushed and gorgeous as ever, ran out   
of the Training Center.   
  
"Hey Quisty! Hey Selphie! Wow, Selphie, that dress looks beautiful on you! Where did   
you get it? And that neckl--"   
  
I dropped pace and let them chatter. With the same odd kind of discontent that had   
been ghosting my every movement, I began to lightly run my fingers over the walls as we   
walked.   
  
"What is wrong with me...?" I wondered suddenly. Shaking my head in an attempt to   
clear it, I let my eyes rest on my two best friends.   
  
"Selphie seems to always skip; carefree, bringing a smile to everyone's face," I noticed silently,  
and then my eyes fell on Rinoa. "Rinoa knows how beautiful she is and has such a feminine walk that   
it makes heads turn wherever she goes. I wonder what I do...How others see me...."   
  
The two female SeeDs and fiancée of the SeeD commander walked together, talking and   
laughing, oblivious to the fact that they were beginning to draw a crowd. To see one of   
the three famous, divinely gorgeous women was a treat, but to see them all together? It   
was a spectacle that got every male SeeD and trainee alike, to find a reason to be in that   
hall at that moment. So maybe that's why it was so jammed in the cafeteria. It seemed that   
anyone who didn't want to have a mid-day fantasy, was there to see some blood spilled   
between Seifer and Irvine.   
  
Selphie had obviously already explained what had happened to Rinoa, because they had   
stopped outside the door and were looking at me expectantly.   
  
I glanced inside to see how much damage control was needed. It didn't look good.   
Both had veins popping out of their necks, were in a typical male chest-puffing stance,   
surrounded by a group of wide-eyed children and two that looked so scared that they   
were going to wet themselves, huddling in Irvine's coat.   
  
My eyebrow twitched. "I'm not an instructor anymore, what makes you think they'll   
listen to me?"   
  
Selphie smiled optimistically. "Well, I always thought there was a part of a man that was   
still a little boy, and remembered when a female was all powerful."   
  
I just blinked at her. "That made so little sense, but, if no one else is available...?"   
I then cast a pleading look at Rinoa who smiled slightly and backed up a step. "Alright,   
then, I'll do it."   
  
Ignoring the doubtful looks cast my way by most everyone else; I made a path to the   
two enraged men, but was stopped by all the little kids coming to run behind me, with the   
exception of the two sweating ones still clutching Irvine.   
  
"Mth. Quithith," a piping voice chirped up "Why ith Mithter Theifer'th fathe tho red?"   
Bending down to the sweet-looking blonde boy with big blue eyes, and two missing front   
teeth, I gently put my hand on his thin shoulder.  
  
"He's just hot, hun."   
  
"You're damn RIGHT I'm hot!", came the angry reply from Seifer.   
  
I advanced on him while the children followed behind me like ducks. Quickly asessing the   
situation, I lightly put my hand on his shoulder.   
  
"Please stop shouting and swearing.", I began calmly.   
  
He turned startled eyes towards me and then glared at Irvine. Irvine raised his eyebrows in   
challange and Seifer opened his mouth to retort, but merely growled.   
  
I smiled a bit. Bless his cocky, black heart.   
  
"Ok guys, tell me what is so important that you would disgrace yourselves in front of   
little children and half of Garden." I demanded gently.   
  
Seifer sneered at Irvine who still was using his body to shield the two boys, and started   
looking through his pockets for something. To my surprise he handed me a few   
sheets of paper.   
  
"Read this and tell me that you would try to stop me from killing those two. That   
disgusting cowboy-poser thinks it's funny!"   
  
I turned my questioning, blue eyes to the papers and began to read.   
  
"Squall's Nervous Breakdown"   
  
I looked up in astonishment at the two little boys while trying to control the twitch   
in my lips. Cautiously I looked down again.   
  
It went on for pages...  
  
...Selphie taping Squall singing in the shower and using it as her doorbell...  
  
...Zell having an odd obsession with toilet training Squall's cat, 'Mr. Purrkins'...  
  
...Irvine turning goth and insisting that he can raise the dead in Squall's dorm with two  
black candles and a package of 'I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not Brie'  
  
My eyes were beginning to tear as I bent double and tried not to shout with laughter in   
the middle of everyone in the cafeteria.   
  
My lips twisted ruefully.   
  
If they hadn't added that part about Seifer ellabrotly scheming to marry Squall, he might  
have found it funny, too.  
  
Irvine smiled approvingly. "She does have a sense of humor after all."   
  
Everyone's eyes seemed to be on me as I crumbled up the papers and tossed them to   
Seifer.   
  
"You, calm down and make sure these get (framed) ...er...uh...incinerated."   
  
"You", I said turning towards Irvine, "take these kids home and tell their parents that   
they have to wait two more years before trying to apply as a SeeD trainee. I found   
something lacking in their maturity level."   
  
And with all the grace of a born-leader I turned to the two kids snickering at Seifer's   
retreating back. I was in my element.   
  
"As for you two," I said icily, "if you don't garner a little more respect for other   
people," bending down I looked straight into their eyes and softly whispered, "I'll look   
up your files and tell Seifer where you live."   
  
That seemed to do the trick because both of their faces drained of color almost   
immediately.   
  
Straightening myself, I beckoned to Rinoa, who, with the absence of one very   
displeased Seifer, seemed to have gained back her courage. Quickly I stepped to the side   
and all the little kids flocked to the -new- pretty lady.   
  
I smiled at them and then lifted my gaze to rest on everyone else in the cafeteria.   
  
"Is everyone here eating, or do none of you have better things to do?" I asked simply   
with feigned innocence.   
  
Selphie bounded over clapping as the crowd dispersed. "I KNEW you could do it! You   
really are good at handling naughty children, of ALL ages," she laughingly surmised.   
  
Rinoa laughed with her and shortly after, I joined in.   
  
bBingBongBing/b   
  
iThis is Headmaster Cid. I need the following people to report   
immediately to my office: Quistis Trepe, Seifer Almasy, Rinoa Heartilly, Zell Dincht,   
Irvine Kinneas, and Selphie Tilmitt. Mr. Leonhart and I are waiting. Thank you. /I   
  
Soft brown eyes met my dispassionate blue ones, and then turned to Selphie's sparkling   
green. The three of us looked at each other questioningly.   
  
"Why do you think he needs us?" Rinoa asked disinterestedly with a wave of her hand.   
  
"Garden Committee?" Selphie grinned half-serious.   
  
"The last time he called us 'in to his office immediately' we were being attacked by   
Galbadia Garden," I added ruefully.   
  
Nida smiled and walked over, tapping Rinoa on the shoulder. "I'll take the cadets from   
here," he quietly said as she turned. She smiled that trade-mark smile of hers and Nida   
seemed to go weak at the knees before leading the kids off.   
  
I knew I shouldn't pity him, since I would hate that if anyone did it to me, but I at least   
understood what it was like to yearn for something you couldn't have.   
  
The three of us walked to the elevator while Selphie and Rinoa played a cute game of   
"what could Cid want?" I plastered a smile on my face and dropped pace again while   
they weren't paying attention.   
  
Am I so much like Nida? Is it so obvious with me? Whenever I'm around Squall I always   
put up my barrier. I can't let him see any of my emotions. I just knew that my feelings   
were a dam waiting to break, and that made me more vulnerable then I liked to admit.   
  
All he ever had to do was look into my eyes and I would deny him nothing. Just look at   
me, and ask me to leap off of Garden, and I would do it. Tell me to quit being a SeeD and   
never come back. Fine. But just LOOK at me. Anything but the cold indifference I was so  
used to.   
  
Nothing I ever did, to try and make him smile, to see me as anything other than an   
instructor, failed miserably. I can finish his sentences and he thinks it's annoying. Rinoa   
does and he thinks it's sweet. I don't have the carefree charm she has....I'm far too afraid   
of getting hurt. But it isn't Squall's fault, or Rinoa's, it's mine.   
  
My eyes began to tear, so I flicked my hair with my hand as cover while blinking them back.   
No one ever saw, or noticed, and I was half relieved and half angry. Don't ask me why,   
maybe I just needed some coffee. It seemed like this might turn into a long day.   
  
Rinoa and Selphie jumped onto the elevator giggling with each other as I was trying   
desperately to control the direction my thoughts were taking.   
  
"Hey Gu-uys! Wait up!" a running/stumbling Zell called out as the doors began to close.   
  
Well, that's what it should have been, but with the half-eaten pack of hotdogs still in his   
mouth it cam out more like: "Thwe Ghwuyth! Whvai Uthb!"   
  
Rinoa pushed the 'door open' button and he slid in like a baseball player at home base.   
Even in my present mood I couldn't help but laughing and helped him up.   
  
"You alright?" I chuckled as he pulled on my hand into an upright position.   
  
"Yeah! Thanks Quistis!", he replied after swallowing the whole mouthful in one gulp. I   
half expected to see him cough up the plastic wrapper.   
  
"D'ya know why Cid needs us?" Zell asked while picking the remnants of meat by-   
products out of his teeth.   
  
"Not a clue. Rinoa and I have a bet going. She thinks it'll be that he wants us to choose   
fish or chicken for her wedding, and I say he's making all of you join the Garden   
Committee!" They both giggled at their ideas.   
  
Zell laughed with them. "What about you, Quistis?"   
  
"Huh?" I blinked a few times and then blushed slightly. It felt like: 'Thinking about   
Squall' was branded on my forehead.   
  
"Please remember to pick me up something nice on your way back from that planet,   
Quisty," he said mock sternly, imitating my usual sleeping-in-classroom lecture.   
  
"Oh, uh, sorry." I shrugged and tried to make light of my thoughts. "Probably just wants   
us to save the world again, why not? We need the practice."   
  
That elicited a few chuckles and groans as we stepped off the elevator on the third floor   
and opened the door to Cid's new office next to the bridge.   
  
I suddenly noticed that I hadn't been up to this room since it had been remodeled. The   
dark mahogany desks with the maroon and forest green wallpaper, gave the room a   
decidedly 'testosteronic' feel. If that's a word. I kept glancing about at the furnishings   
before finally admitting to myself that I would rather look at anything right now besides   
Squall.   
  
Cid silently motioned for everyone to sit, and the look on his face told me he was about to   
drop a bomb. I noticed that we were the last ones coming in and that they had all been waiting   
for us.   
  
Carefully, I lifted my eyes to look at Squall. He seemed to be mesmerized by Rinoa's   
mere presence. Feeling the familiar prickle of tears behind my eyes, I curled my lip in   
disgust at still giving him the power to hurt me, and turned away.   
  
Cid had his arms placed on the dusted desktop and was resting his forehead in his palms.   
That didn't bode well. I tried to discern if anyone else knew what was wrong, but they   
all just looked as confused and nervous as I was....even Squall.   
  
Matron walked in quietly through a side door and nodded slowly at her husband, her face as impassive as   
stone. He looked like he was going to faint. My God...what the hell was wrong!? The air was thick   
with our dread and anticipation. Slowly, the headmaster breathed in, and then looked up   
at all of us with glassy eyes.   
  
"...It seems," he began in a strained voice, " that, Ellone is dying."   
  
He paused to let that soak in. I couldn't breathe. I didn't believe it. Selphie burst into tears   
and Irvine's arms were around her immediately. After graciously giving her time to let   
her sobs subside, he continued.   
  
I didn't want to hear anymore, I could feel a betraying moistness sliding down my cheeks, and I   
had a sudden urge to hide them, now, before anyone saw them. But, I couldn't seem to move.   
  
"She requests your presence at her deathbed. There is something she wishes to tell each   
of you."   
  
To my horrified surprise he looked directly at me, and when he did, so did everyone else.   
Why couldn't the floor just open up and swallow me, never to be seen again? I noticed   
streaks of concern lace everyone's eyes when they saw my tears. I wanted none of that, I   
just wanted out of this damn room!   
  
"Ellone, needs to give you something, Quistis. I hope you can handle it." He turned to   
include everyone else. "We leave for Esthar today at noon. She...doesn't have much time   
le-"   
  
"What HAPPENED?!" Zell shouted angrily. "What happened to her!? I-"   
  
"Sit down, Chicken-Wuss... screaming won't bring her back", Seifer added emotionlessly.   
  
Squall placed a hand on Cid's shoulder. I could tell it was shaking. I tried peering into his   
eyes to further gauge his emotions, how he would take this tragic news, but to me, they   
were impenetrable. Only Rinoa seemed to be able to understand him now. I looked down   
at my clasped hands and felt very, very mortal.   
  
"We deserve to know what is wrong with her," he said softly.   
  
Cid just shook his head sadly.   
  
"We don't know. No one does. Not even Dr. Odine could find anything the matter. She   
just keeps saying that it is her time and she has no regrets. Laguna...is beside himself for   
answers but can find none. All we do know is that she gets worse everyday, and, just a   
few minutes ago, Kiros called and said that they have lost hope, that she requests your   
presence, and no one will deny her anything. Apparently, even Laguna could not delude   
himself any longer. She has become so decimated that...."   
  
He closed his eyes and his voice was too choked to continue.   
  
Silently, everyone looked at each other and tried to deal with this startling news. Cid   
stood up and turned. He and Matron walked out the side door together. Selphie was   
buried in Irvine's coat as he rose to lead her gently away. Squall went to Rinoa and held   
her tightly. Zell and Seifer left silently, trying not to show just how hurt they were. And   
I...I just sat there until everyone had left.   
  
I continued to stare at my hands trying to block out all thought. Sometime later, maybe 5   
minutes, maybe an hour, I stood and left in a haze of self-delusion. I have to go to my   
room and pack... I have to go to my room and pack...   
  
I was very, very careful not to let myself remember why. 


	3. Blurred Revelations

  
I gazed blankly out the window of the Ragnarok and tried to call upon some sort of inner   
strength. All these disjointed thoughts swirled around in my head. What was wrong with   
her? Why did Matron seem so calm? And what on earth did she want to give me?  
  
I didn't have answers to any of these questions now, but I had the sneaking suspicion that   
I would find out eventually. Whether I wanted to or not...  
  
Desperate to think of anything else, I glanced around and noticed everyone had already   
gotten changed. All the men looked dashing in their dark SeeD uniforms, especially   
Squall. I always loved it when he wore his uniform. The shade of it out the blue in his eyes   
until he was almost sinful to look at.   
  
Rinoa had a sumptuous little black number on that went down to right above her knees   
but was slit to practically her navel. I rolled my eyes and almost smiled. Selphie, on the   
other hand, couldn't have looked sweeter than in the frilly charcoal dress she was wearing,   
with sparkling jet beads laced into every seam.  
  
Grabbing the bag my new outfit was in, I slipped off to the bathroom. I had wanted to   
wear my SeeD uniform, but it had mysteriously gone missing. Some scheme Selphie had   
concocted, I'm sure.   
  
I made a sharp right down the hallway and found the correct room, my boots slapped the   
pale pink tile as I entered. My lonely footsteps echoed around me; bouncing off the bare walls  
and back to my   
  
No,no,no, don't go bardic on me now, Quistis. I turned on the lights and placed the small   
burden in my arms on the sink. Ugh, old overhead lighting. I could feel the vitamins   
being sucked from my skin.   
  
Holding up the thin bag I placed my finger on the zipper and hesitated. I sort of had no  
idea what was in it. I pursed my lips and yanked the zipper down; pulling out the dress the   
plastic had concealed and held it up to the light.   
  
......Hyne, I should have known. Never trust anyone to pick out clothes for you.  
  
It was an hour before we were to leave and my uniform was gone. Not in the room, under   
my bed, certainly not in my closet or in the laundry, just disappeared from the planet   
entirely. I grabbed my car and cell phone and raced to Balamb, telling the dress shop attendant   
to give me 'something in black that would look very proper', and charge it to my SeeD account.   
  
I don't know where she got her definition of proper, but I'd wager an older brother was an   
influence.  
  
I divulged myself of my usual clothing and slipped into it, careful to not to trip on the   
gauzy train covering the bathroom tile and break my neck. It was simply not the eulogy I   
wanted to have. Applauding myself for having a morbid sense of humor, I stepped back and   
looked into the mirror.   
  
"Wow, I..."  
  
The sooty dress was simplistic in cut and design. Just a swatch of lovely dark fabric that   
hugged every curve. It came with a pair of matching gloves that went from the top of my   
upper arm and extended into points at my fingertips; alla-sorceress. Nothing covered my   
bare shoulders and I had the sudden impulse to let my hair down. And then the even more   
sudden impulse to put back on my regular clothing and say I couldn't find anything in   
time.   
  
I looked nervously at my own reflection and pulled at the hem of the gown to see my   
boots. Somehow, that made me feel a little better. At least part of me felt the same.   
Tilting my chin up, I left the bathroom and flicked off the buzzing lights.  
  
I took my time entering the hanger, anticipating many reactions, and somehow hoping there   
wouldn't be one and I'd slide back into my seat unnoticed. I glanced in and saw them all  
preoccupied so I slipped in from the back.   
  
Then I tripped.   
  
Not only that; I tripped and fell on my face...in someone's lap. I glanced up, cheeks burning,   
and saw Zell's shocked expression. He looked like he might faint. Standing quickly I apologized  
and then I caught the look on everyone's faces, and it was priceless. It was almost worth feeling   
practically naked. This dress might cover more of me than theirs did, but it fit like a second   
skin.   
  
Irvine took off his hat in shock, Zell was about to drool in his lap, and Seifer just   
looked surprised and quickly turned away. I started back to my seat and snuck a glance   
at Squall who couldn't seem to take his eyes off me. He was LOOKING at me! Not as an i  
nstructor, a sister, or a friend, but as a woman.   
  
Rinoa caught him staring and promptly elbowed him in the ribs.  
  
My insides did a little dance and I almost glowed. I think it was then I decided that this   
dress really wasn't so bad after all. Except maybe the train. I was going to shear that   
thing offthe second I got my hands on some scissors.  
  
Selphie jumped up in surprise and ran towards me with the first smile she gave anyone   
since she heard of Ellone's condition. I smiled back at her.   
  
"Gee, Quisty, you look great!", she chirped while jumping and clapping her hands. "Much better   
than that old SeeD uniform, don'tya think?" Selphie winked at me and I laughed softly.  
  
"Yeah, Selph, much better, thank you."  
  
She just grinned and Irvine practically pushed her to gave me is best sure-to-melt-your-knickers   
smile. Rolling my eyes, I turned away as he slid into the seat next to me. I just gazed out the   
window refusing to look at him. Yawning he lamely attempted to wrap his arm around my shoulders.  
  
Hmmm, a lousy attempt, even by Irvine standards.  
  
"Not a chance", replied dryly. "Go away."  
  
"Never let it be said I don't know a hint when I hear one", he commented chuckling   
softly as he climbed back into his usual seat. Selphie and Rinoa looked at their   
boyfriends and then exchanged identical looks of amused chagrin.  
  
Turning back to my clouds I heard Seifer mutter something about how he might as well   
paste a sign on me that says: Warning! Frostbite Danger   
  
Bastard...  
  
I ignored him and eventually all our thoughts turned back to the matter at hand: to see   
Ellone, and then, sometime shortly after, attend her funeral.I wasn't sure if I could face   
seeing her as any different than the last time we were together. I conjured her image up in   
my mind's eye.   
  
Ellone had a calm strength about her...she gave us unity and courage when we needed it   
most...her voice was always so lilting and calming...her hair was soft and the deep, deep   
brown of the earth after it rained...she was always smiling softly with a hint of sadness   
in her dark hazel eyes...  
  
A surge of anger tore through me. What could be sucking her life away? I felt so helpless.   
She said she was ready to go now. Ready to die. But she's so young, hardly older than we are.   
A lazy cumulus drifted in front of my vision and began to blur at the edges.   
  
And Gods, I hated feeling this way. I hated not knowing, my sadness, her fate, and especially   
not having a way to fight back.  
  
Closing my eyes slowly, I dispersed of the condemning tears and gazed dispassionately at   
the sky, searching again for comfort. Humanity is but shadows and dust. The quintessential   
in fleeting impermanence, and the remnants of eternity. I almost smiled. Heh, you're in the   
wrong line of work, Quisty.   
  
The world's edges blurred once more.   
  
Oh Ellone...  
  
I felt the airship start to descend and my heart leapt into my throat. We were here.  
  
Docking took an annoyingly short time. I had this irrational hope that if I never set foot  
on Esthar, never saw Ellone, she wouldn't die. I knew this was nonsense, but I couldn't help  
dreading having to see her one last time.  
  
Silently I waited in my seat a little while after everyone else had left. I just needed   
a moment alone before I faced this. After blankly contemplating the ceiling for some time,   
I quietly stood up and started towards the door. A light hand on my shoulder sent a shock   
through me. I thought everyone had left! I glanced behind and saw Matron with a tenderly sad   
expression on her face.  
  
"Alone again?", she inquired, her voice laced with meaning.  
  
"Yes", I choked out softly.  
  
She opened her arms to me and I fell into them. She held me softly and it seemed to give me   
strength.  
  
"Quistis... ", she whispered "I'm sorry...."  
  
Her tone was again layered, but I didn't care. I held her a little tighter, and swallowed my   
fears around the lump in my throat.  
  
"I'm ready, Matron."  
  
She nodded and we silently walked out together. The usually impressive spectacle of   
the bright lights and flash of the advanced city went unnoticed and unnapreciated.   
We hadn't gone far when we caught up to everyone else. With a reassuring glance she left   
me and drifted to Cid's side.  
  
Kiros and Ward had been waiting for us at the airstation. I looked at their haggard faces and knew  
that we would all be wearing that same expression by the end of the day. My heart beat with pure   
anxiety and I couldn't pinpoint why. ...what was telling me I should run?  
  
"...Ellone has been waiting for all of you. The palace's medical bay is this way."   
  
I had never heard Kiros speak so monotonously, without his usual spark and wit.  
  
Ward tapped him on the shoulder and looked into his eyes.  
"....."  
  
Kiros turned and glanced at Ward.  
  
"Oh yes, Quistis, please don't enter with everyone else. She wishes to speak with you last."  
  
Everyone turned questioning eyes towards me and I had nothing to answer them with but my own  
bewildered expression.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
I fidgeted on my chair in the waiting room and watched the second-hand on the clock move.   
I never realized how annoying an aptly named room could be. Licking my lips, I glanced at   
the door for the hundredth time and tried to discern what they were saying. And for the   
hundredth time I turned away without the slightest idea.  



End file.
